Hey everybody. This is my first post on any blog site, and I'm having difficulty deciding what to talk about. But my blog looks so pathetic and lonely that I'm going to just wing it.. see how it goes.
I've lived my life for a nice and calm twenty years now, and though I believe I'm having the best times in my career as a human, I've never been more unhappy. Recently it seems that I constantly think negatively, nervously, and without a doubt, deeply. Anytime I'm driving, climb into bed, take a shit, shower, etc., I find myself daydreaming to the extreme. I can't even smoke a fucking cigarette without zoning out and burning myself. The main cause of all this, in my mind, is my mind-awakening I had about a year and a half ago. I suddenly started to realize what kind of world I was actually living in, what people were really like, and that things were steadily getting worse.
For example: Do you ever feel like a pawn/ant/drone when you are sitting at a red light at 2:00 a.m. and there are no cars in sight, but you have to sit and wait for that light to turn green because if a cop saw you run it he would issue you a ticket.
It's the little things like this that constantly have me pondering.
Another persistent thought that comes to mind is that of the standard human life.
1.) You are born, yada yada yada, high school, drama, peer pressure, then BAM! Graduation.
2.) Eighteen years old (not old enough to drink, but definitely old enough to kill Iraqis?) and everybody you come in contact with starts asking you.. "What are you going to do?". Fuck you. I don't know what I want to do. "Well you have to do something!". Well i still don't know what I want to do, yet I've been in college for 3 years.
3.) After you quickly decide what you want to be and slide through school, the real world is right there waiting on you with a fake smile and a sign that says "Hey David! Fuck you!".
4.) Speaking for the average, you establish a career, find you a wife, get you some pretty kids. You raise your kids with the same ideals that society placed on you and they happily repeat.
5.) You retire after a long stressful life of work and responsibility. Enjoy what you have left, you definitely deserve it. Get some viagra and go to vegas. Start a wild police chase. Sit in your rocking chair and smoke pot all day. It's all up to you.
6.) Now comes the best part. Death. You spend your WHOLE LIFE building up your character, moving up in the business world, making discoveries, eating the most pieces of fried chicken in five minutes. You do anything and everything to earn the respect and honor of your fellow earthmates. But no matter how hard you try, how much money you make, how many theories you prove, you still lay in the ground like everyone else.
To conclude this.. I know I didn't make the best points. Keep in mind I'm just sitting at work free-writing. So hear me out. From the day you start kindergarden, you start dealing with bullshit. Everyday it's something else, but believe me my friend it is always bullshit. Just think of how much money it costs to stay alive? Just to exist for a week takes up people's whole pay checks. Just to fucking EXIST, have a name, socialize, whatever it is you want to do. Bills, peer pressure, murder, flat tires, the crushed up chips at the bottom of the bag, diapers, telemarketers, society in general. All of this is to live your standard american life. But if you want to highlight the key points of a standard american life minus the bullshit, it looks something like this:
1.) Eat/Survive
2.) Reproduce
3.) Die
NOW FOR THE GRAND FINALE - If this list looks familiar, then congratulations. You paid attention in 1st grade science. Or you watch a lot of National Geographic. (For the record I think "NatGeo" is a terrible name). This list is the outline of every animal, plant, and single-celled organism on this entire god damn planet. And every single one of them follows the exact same 3-step program that our ancestors modestly termed "life". The ONLY thing that makes us different from them is the bullshit.
